Web Blog
Welcome to my blog. Here I'll post more personal things and updates about my life.
I'm an adult with health issues, so sometimes things will get heavy. Read at your own risk
May
5, May 2024
April was a bit of a shitshow, I didn't have much time to update anything or do much other than survive. The first full week I was out of town at a work conference. I got paid to be there but it was a lot of work to mask for 12 hours a day. While I was gone my fiance was fired from his job- Why? Well, because he is disabled you see, and was asking for accomodations. Because he was a contract worker and not a direct employee of the company there are basically zero repercussions for the company for firing him.
He got a new job pretty quickly, now he's a barista. It's not the kind of paycheck he expected to be pulling, but it's better than nothing since we can't survive on my paycheck alone out here. The new job comes with it's own stressors for him. His Fibro symptoms are all getting worse is what it feels like, and it's heartbreaking to see him limp through the door after a shift only to collapse into bed and cry about the aches and pains. I mentioned trying out some alternative pain relief methods, since I know some people here who can get me that sort of thing, but my fiance is adamant that they not take any sort of illicit substance.
It was probably selfish of me to offer, but I also don't really know how to help them other than to continue trying to make their home life easier. I get burnt out on it sometimes. I was never very good at keeping house when I was single, and now with two of us it's all I can do to keep us with clean dishes, clean spaces, and nutritious meals. Cooking is not a big problem for me, because I like it, but cleaning is difficult because after making a large meal I get tired, and then if I don't clean it right away I will put it off until I'm reminded I have to do that. Still, I get energy for it in waves. I'm trying my best, we both are, and that's what matters.
Another stressor has been marriage. We wanted to get married as soon as we moved. Nothing fancy, just a courthouse affair so we could get started changing our names and I could put him on my benefits. In all the chaos of moving and then my conference and his firing, we just haven't had much time to do that sort of thing. We want to try and get married soon, June if we can. It's pride month so it would be an excellent time. He's worried that it won't happen ever because we keep pushing it out. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm doing that on purpose or something. I'm really not, it's just that there are so many steps to get legally married, and one of them is coordinating two other people to be in the same place as us at the same time where we have a window of about two hours during the work week. Why do you even need witnesses to get married, is a judge not enough?
Things will start looking up, I think. We've been doing a lot to make things better, and suffering is almost always temporary just as all things are. I have to keep believing it, for both of us.
March
11, March 2024
My fiance and I got moved. It was difficult and it was stressful, but it was so worth it.
I took a week off work so that we could get mostly unpacked and spend some time acclimating to our new space, and see an old friend to catch up. Took a bit of time to recover from the long drive and we slept a LOT the first few days, but we're about seventy percent unpacked now, with what's left being mostly books that we can't unpack due to leaving behind our old bookshelves.
My fiance was able to get a job back at his old company, for much more pay, and he's probably going to start that at the end of the month or beginning of next. I've got my same job, because I've been able to work remotely from anywhere since 2020. Regardless, we will be a two income household once again and we are looking forward to the benefits of that. Mostly saving and having a bit more spending cash for our hobbies which we've been restricting for the last year.
It's been so nice, feels like I can finally breathe easy. That may be due to the absence of black mold (we found it when we were moving stuff out... it was everywhere), but I think it also has a lot to do with how much this place just feels right. It's home, and we are finally safe-- free of the shadow of a narcissistic MIL!
We've done a few things that we haven't been able to do in a year now. Simple things like, get brunch, go see a movie, take a walk! It's really that much different here, and I couldn't be happier. I know my beloved is also happy, and that's what gives me a sense of peace and happiness too, as cheesey as it sounds.
February
21, February 2024
Took my fiance to his follow up appointment with Rheumatology today. It was a waste of time. The doctor essentially said "I'm pretty sure it's Fibro, but I won't diagnose you because you're too fat and maybe if you lost some weight and ate healthy your symptoms would go away :)". It's infuriating to see him be taken so unseriously. The weight gain he's been experiencing is a symptom not the cause.
We actually eat fairly healthily here, I cook all our meals from scratch, he loves fruits and vegetables, and he doesn't eat red meat or over-salt foods. If we have sweets, they're little treats here and there, nothing regular. We don't even drink soda pop on the regular, instead we have Gamer Supps so that we can get our vitamins in and drink more water. Ridiculous that the doctor treated him this way, and my heart hurts for him, but there's nothing I can do other than try to advocate a little harder for him when I'm able.
A day ago, my fiance told his mom we were moving. We had been avoiding it for a long time because she is controlling and abusive, and we don't want her to know where we are going to live. She called him to ask where we were going and he held firm in his resolve not to tell her. She tried to manipulate it out of him by threatening a heart attack.
I wish I could make this stuff up.
In other news, you may have noticed I moved all the personal blog stuff here. Now I don't know what to put on my main page. Maybe more resources? More buttons? Lighter personal updates (eg. what I'm playing/working on)?
Probably should at least put Site updates/logs there so that things aren't so confusing... I'll think on it.
18, February 2024
Moving in a week and a half. Lots to do and get done and yet I want to procrastinate (I'm very like my namesake, it's true) and do anything other than the 'adult' stuff like canceling the internet and electricity. Still waffling on if I should notify my current slumlord or not. We never signed a lease that said we had to, and after the way he's treated us I'm not really inclined to do him any courtesy. I think dropping the keys off in his out of office slot and a note saying to consider the deposit last month's rent is the most he'll get at this point.
My fiance has a few more appointments this week. The doctors and specialists think it's Fibromyalgia, and if they keep asking to do more tests we might have to put an official diagnosis on hold until after the move. I'm hoping that the move isn't too hard on his body, it's going to be a whole day of driving and since I'll be taking the moving truck we won't be able to switch off like we had originally planned. I'll figure out a way to treat him when we get there I think, something nice and to help with his aches. Maybe one of his favorite bath bombs or something?
Sidebar, I started working with some folks to make a Zine! It'll be my first collab of the year, and also my first ever zine! If it goes well I might try my hand at making my own zine too, just for fun and to see if I can learn the formatting of it and stuff, since that's not my area on this one. Look out for more talk about it at a later time, since it's not going to launch it's advertising until like April-ish.
January
25, January 2024
What a time. It's been a long while since I updated. I caught Covid over the winter holidays and felt like death for so long. Work picked up, I bought a vehicle, and my fiance has been going to the doctor for tests on some pretty serious stuff. So it's been hella busy.
We're planning to move very soon, we just have to get a place lined up so we can get out of this place that is making us very sick and hurting our mental health. I want to say I'm coming back to this, but it might be a little while before I can. I still have so many ideas to give shape and form to. I want to make a Soul Eater shrine, move these blog posts to a new page and keep this as a general index page. I still have to fix my gallery, my images are murder on load speed, so I have to figure out a way to compress them smaller without borking the quality.
I feel like my skill is seriously lacking tho, and that gets frustrating because I want to be good at everything I put my hand to. Very unrealistic, because this isn't something I can just be good at immediately. I want to ask more folks for help, because the different resource pages I've looked at have been hard to parse- but also like, shouldn't I win my own success? Very complicated thoughts. There's also the anxiety that I will bother more experienced coders with my questions and need for more basic explanations. Blue was very kind when I asked for help last time, but I don't want to bother them too much...
Eh, I'll see about it I guess. In the meantime, it's almost my fiance's birthday, so if you see this around the end of January, please leave him a happy birthday wish in the CBox!
November
29, November 2023
The holiday was busy but in a spending time with my favorite person kind of way, which is to say it was lovely. I didn't find time to do much tinkering or webmastering, but that's alright. Again, the holidays are some of the busiest times for me, and it will continue to get busy until probably mid January? Somewhere around there. I'm going to try and do blog posts, tho, because it's nice to have a place to write things.
Listened to a Sonic x Vaporwave mix on youtube today. The vibes were immaculate, wonder if I could make a page around it. Lot of ideas and very little time (or brainpower) to implement them lol. Case in point, I created a new discord server for chat RP, you can give it a look here if you like! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Seasonal Affective Disorder got me starting projects left and right trying to eke up spare serotonin and dopamine...
21, November 2023
Added a Gallery page for some of what I deem my best pieces of art this year, it is now linked in the Nav bar, and I unlinked my tumblr Art blog (since I can just link out to it on the gallery page). It's really rough so far, and I'm not sure about the colors yet, or the background. I just wanted to get another page up before I completely forgot that I wanted to do that.
Anyways, check out the Gallery page for the update to the WIP in my previous entry, I think I got it down pretty well!
Still thinking about potentially making a blog-type page for entries like this sans the webmaster updates. Dunno yet, we'll see!
16, November 2023
Slowed down a lot because the holidays are coming up and I've been doing a lot at work. Brain doesn't want to wrap itself around code for a bit. That's okay, though, I've been drawing for an art challenge and spending a lot of time with my fiance.
I don't have a page set up for art (yet), so here's the WIP. If you're a fan of Endrance then you know what this is lol
Note to self:set up a page for my best art? I already have an art blog on tumblr, but feels kinda nice to have my own space and layout for that sort of thing.
11, November 2023
Took a few days to chill because the rain and cold made my body way too achy to sit and figure out code. Feeling much better today and might make some pizza from scratch for dinner.
As far as updates today, I finished my About page and added it to the nav links up top. Decided to stay with the .hack theme for it, changing the colors from purple to orange. It will be so cool to have a whole rainbow of pages soon. I've still got some work I want to do on the first shrine, but I think I'll make a silly like chain of pages out of them, a promenade of shrines to all the things I love and cherish.
Special thanks to Velvet Blue for assisting me with code, I'm going to attempt to use it on my first shrine, so we'll see how well that goes! You can find Blue's link in my sidebar, go check out their site!
Update:The script Blue helped me with works like a charm! Check out the Shrine and click on the Gossip Stone!
8, November 2023
Low energy today. Chronic pain flair up. Added some additional images to the shrine page. Had wanted to add an About page and research some silly gimmicks to add, but it's been hard to concentrate so I've just been browsing other neocities sites. Think I also want to find a different music player because SCM isn't working for me at least. And I might look for a guestbox to add and remove the Cbox.
I think I might also like to join a webring, but all that is stuff form me to do at a later date. I'm going back to surfing through sites for now. Might add page buttons from cool ones I've found later.
7, November 2023
Reddit came through on helping me get Macha to 'float'! Thank you so much u/zeldaau for assisting me with the code! She looks so lovely hovering on that side of the screen :D
I discovered today that my job will let me take HTML, CSS, and Javascript classes for free, so I'm definitely going to take advantage of that and see if it helps. Really it's not like it's time wasted, since they require me to do 4-5 hours of learning in tech per year. I've technically already completed that, but as soon as 1st January rolls around I'll be adding them to my course plan!
Alrighty, time to work on a second page to link. Stay tuned!
Update: I've discovered that the floating Macha makes the mobile experience quite unfriendly :( too tired to fiddle with that. Also, added Shrine to the nav links up top!
6, November 2023
Day two of tinkering with website layout stuff. I think I'm pretty solidly an Endrance dothack fan page now? The vibe is purple bitch and I love it, plus it's given me an excuse to dive headfirst into another rabbit hole of one of my favorite things ever.
I'm also collecting blinkies, the whole thing is hugely dopamine-generating for me. Ah, and I added links to my personal and art tumblr blogs, as well as to my fanfiction! Next I think I'd like to try my hand at building a page from scratch. I'll make sure it's in the nav links when that's ready. Also, if this works there should be a floating Macha on this page now too!
Update: The floating Macha image is not working out lmao. Back to the drawing board.
Update Two: I asked Reddit and I'm still pretty stumped TnT for now, Macha will rest just above the footer until I can figure it out or get someone to peek at the code
5, November 2023
I don't quite know what I want this to be yet, but I think it will be a good project for me. Perhaps I can just decorate it with the things I wish smol Hooky could have done. Or maybe I will use it sort of like a way to link all my socials and projects, I have a lot of them. Whatever the case, thank you for stopping by during whatever phase this is in!
So far it is quite frustrating... (>~>);