April
7, April 2025
Picked up my CPAP today, it was nearly $700 after insurance. I think this will help me hit my deductible however, so that's something... Health insurance feels like such a crock.
We also got our new bed frame and mattress set up, it's such a soft and plush thing I sleep like a ROCK in it, so hopefully this plus the CPAP will knock all my sleep issues out and my blood pressure will come down.
I had a breakdown at work on Friday, I have had so much medical shit happening that I've fallen way behind in my work and I just kind of snapped and told my boss that I was struggling. I took today off for mental health and hopefully tomorrow when I come back it won't be too terrible, but we'll see. I feel bad because two people on our team are away at a conference this week so already the team is stretched thin.
We got our hotel booked for this year's anime convention, so that's pretty exciting. I hope it's really fun this year since we managed to book a suite at the convention hotel! So now it will be much easier to take breaks if the noise gets to be too much or if we need to drop off purchases in the middle of the day. Plus late night paneling will be easier to attend
We aren't going with KC this year, and IDK if that feels some type of way or nah? Like I enjoy spending time with KC but the last time we went it was weird because all they wanted to do was make circuts of the marketplace and artist alley, no panels or anything. I want to try and go to one or two this year.
My cosplay is probably not getting done in time this year, I just don't know if I have the time or energy even though I have some of the supplies.
Speaking of time/energy, I have to do a bunch of cleaning to make the apartment acceptable looking because the landlord will be inspecting our smoke/fire detection stuff. They're putting in a new system since the one currently is going out. We discovered that our smoke detector never had batteries in it. UGH I forgot to get batteries for it again! jfc this thing is so frustrating to me. There's too much to do in a day and not enough time to do it all!
A lot has happened in this last couple days so I have a lot of jumbled thoughts, it feels like the typing is a little frantic, so I hope this doesn't read as frantic or jumbled. (it probably does, but I guess that's just the true Hooky experience)
A few days ago a friend posted in a discord vent channel about how casual man-hating jokes made him feel awful. I agreed that they felt awful and out of place because we are both trans masculine and while we both know that men are dangerous to women and it's impossible to know if a man will be dangerous to you until he is, we both felt very hurt by people saying things like "The world needs less men".
A few people, including the server owner, jumped in to say that well obviously they never meant us when they were talking about hating men, but we both pointed out how invalidating that is. Like you hate men but not us because we're trans and that makes us... different? Not men?
The whole thing kind of blew up, but I've been thinking a lot about it. About how hating men is ultimately... transphobic. It doesn't do anything to really dismantle the patriarchy, it pushes away potential allies, and it hurts transmasc and trans femme people, because terfs push this misandrist ideology and biological essentialism that hurts everyone.
One person in the chat was so vehement in her arguments, saying that I was trying to fight hate with love when oppressors never answer to anything but violence. She made a lot of sweeping statements about how maybe it's not all men, but it's always a man. And that really felt like a slap in the face to me personally because I've been the victim of assault by a woman, and I said as much. I dismantled her points one by one and she didn't acknowledge it at all.
The server owner, who is my friend, apologized to me and she banned misandrist speech on the server, which is nice. But the main accuser has said not a peep to me about it, and she feels like a very unsafe person. So I'm lurking in there for now.
A few people reached out to me to tell me how impactful my arguments were and how they agreed with me. I wish I could say it in a way that would get everyone to understand.
Geeze, I'm looking back at all I wrote and I'm tired just looking at it. This is why I never have time for more site updates. Maybe I'll finally put content into my MMBN shrine and link it. The night is still young.
March
29, March 2025
Well it's been a crazy March. New job is stressful, I'm trying to just get through it. Coworkers have been getting on my nerves because I work with a bunch of very tech illiterate people. I'm not exactly a genius when it comes to tech, but I know how to do basic troubleshooting, which is usually what fixes my issues so that when I call IT it's an actually serious issue.
Had a lot of doctor tests and visits too, which added to the stress. At the top of the month my BP was 165/112, which is insane... Got sent home with a monitor so I check it now daily and nightly. Thankfully it has gotten down to about 135/90, which isn't quite where it needs to be, but it's close and it's not in a dangerous zone.
I also got diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I was waking up 16 times per hour. In 7 hours I woke up 112 times because I was having trouble breathing. So the doctor will probably order me a CPAP, but I have to go see her to talk about it. That will probably bring my blood pressure down a bit, and maybe help with getting some of this weight off me.
Tonight we are going to hotpot to celebrate my husband getting on HRT. I should have put together our new bedframe while he was at work, but instead I'm doing website updates because I have a cough and it's kinda hard to breathe, so.. there's that.
I added an archive for the blog posts of year's past, mostly so that this page doesn't go on forever. In my head this helps it load faster? I don't actually know if that's true.
I also need to tweak my OC page and actually link it to my RWBY shrine, since basically all my OCs are RWBY OCs at this point. Lots of work to do and I only ever spend like an hour every month doing it. Alas, that is the life of someone with too many fucking hobbies and very little free time.
February
27, February 2025
Long time since my last update. Time gets away from me, and I have too many hobbies- not that that's a bad thing these days, I need as much as I can to keep myself from doom scrolling with how tumultuous the state of the world is. So I've been very immersed in my hobbies and in writing and gaming and also some work stuff that has been a mess to work through.
Start with the stress so I can end on the good, how's that sound?
My company got purchased by another company, and so I had about two weeks to figure out if I wanted to accept the job offer from the new company and not have to look for another job, or take severance from my old company and hit the bricks. Job market sucks right now, and dispite not knowing how the new company will feel about someone like me I'd rather be employed than struggling to find something that will keep us afloat. The move also means I'll be moved from Salaried down to hourly. Not a paycut, but the benefits are slashed when it comes to things like PTO etc, so that kind of blows. Ultimately I'm happy to have a job even though the transition from one company that I've been with for ten years to this unknown is stressful and terrifying.
All my favorite coworkers are going too, so we can at least have eachother to lean on in the hard times.
The good stuff tho? That's been pretty good. Started replaying dothack//GU, Final Fantasy X, and Dokapon Kingdom so I could hop back on my nostalgia trip. I wrote SO MUCH in January and February for my fanfictions, although I've slowed down quite a bit because the inspiration comes in waves for me. I started dusting off old OCs and I think those I WILL post here, I just gotta make a page for them- I know I know, I've got a mile long to do list, don't look at me that way...
I commissioned another cool artist to draw some of my OCs because I dig their style. I've drawn a few things myself, again I'm trying to get back to posting my art here, I think I just never have time to get into the nitty gritty of it when I remember to (like now, it's nearly bedtime and I don't have time to start compressing files and uploading them lol).
My husband and I have gotten hotpot every month since November now, and honestly it's a bright part in my month. And as the weather is getting warmer I think that we are both feeling a little more energetic, We've been able to get more done around the apartment together.
We started going to a cafe a short ways away once a week to write and draw and relax. It's elongated our weekends together simply by getting out and doing things together. I'm so grateful and happy that I have him, I wouldn't be able to handle this without him.